Ante Animus
by Queen of Fairyland
Summary: Details of part of Rodney's past that he'd rather forget come to light, details that he's afraid will ruin the tentative friendships he's made in Atlantis. Brendan Gaul lends him a helping hand.
1. Part One of 4

A/N: I usually despise flashbacks, but here I've written a story with them in. All italics are from the same time (established in the first part) except for the very last one at the end of the story, but that'll be obvious when you read it. The regular writing is all set in the present, which could be any season really, as I've just realised that at no point do I include or mention Ford, Teyla, Ronan or any of the other characters intoduced in season two.

I've always thought that Gaul and McKay had to have some backstory because they were obviously friends (in the SGA season 1 complete companion it says Gaul was a 'close colleague' of McKay's), and while I maybe embelished it to make it more interesting I don't think the initial premise is too far from believable.

Oh and obviously I'm not condoning substance abuse of any kind with this story.

Moving on...Enjoy!

**Ante animus**

_Rodney glanced up from his desk as the door opened. Into his dorm stepped a short, scrawny looking brown haired boy. And boy was the operative word. This boy - something Gale? - was starting his degree a whole two years early. Not as early as Rodney had been when he was an undergrad (a whole three years younger than the other freshmans), but impressive nonetheless._

_Impressive or not, it didn't mean Rodney wanted to share a dorm with him. Rodney was now a total of five years older than this boy. In the second year of his second degree, (Advanced Mathematics, his first having been in Physics), having additionally completed a Masters in Astrophysics last year, Rodney was now a 5th year resident on campus._

_Now you'd think this would count for something, that a little privacy wouldn't be too much to ask for. But with a shortage of accommodation, and deeming it unwise to place the kid with his fellow freshman in case he was corrupted by their improper influence, the powers that be had decided to foist him upon Rodney. Hoping Rodney would set a good example. If only they knew, Rodney though with a smirk. A smirk which appeared to be intimidating the poor kid._

"_Hi," the kid said bravely. "I'm Brendan, you must be Rodney McKay." Brendan put down his case on the empty bed and walked over to Rodney's desk. "Pleased to meet you," he said, sticking out his hand. Rodney shook it as quickly as possible._

"_Look in other circumstances I might be vaguely please to meet you as well," Rodney said. "But you see you're kind of invading my personal space-"_

"_The Dean thought-" Brendan interrupted._

"_I'm well aware of what he thinks, I've spoken with him about this on various occasions," Rodney said acidly. "As I was saying, don't take it personally if I give you a less than warm welcome, I'll just be trying to adjust to your presence. Not that I'm that likeable usually either," he added. Brendan nodded in understanding._

"_Don't worry I understand, you'd rather be on your own. I'll try to make myself as unnoticeable as possible," he said with a smile before walking over to his side of the room and starting to unpack his case. Rodney grunted his thanks before returning to his work, his eyes momentarily stopping on the name tag on the kid's case; Brendan Gaul._

**_(BREAK)_**

Rodney was not having a good day. In fact today was shaping up to be one of the most truly horrifying he had experienced without suffering any direct threat to his life.

Not only had a group of the idiots that called themselves scientists under his command screwed up royally, but now he was stuck fixing it. Which meant he was on his back - his bad back, which was getting worse and more painful by the minute - deeply entrenched in the floor of the 'Gateroom. Additionally, as he was pulling out various crystals and rewiring extensively because his 'team' had overloaded a considerable amount of the hardware, in plain view of the control room, he had the increasingly worried looks of Doctor Weir and all other personal in the area.

They seriously thought he was going to screw up. It didn't matter how many times he fixed something that saved their lives, there was just no faith in his abilities whatsoever.

But it got worse.

Apparently Major Sheppard had been perusing the personnel files yesterday evening, only to come across an anomaly on Rodney's. Of course Rodney himself was already aware of this anomaly. He'd created it himself when he'd encrypted a good portion of his file so that it wasn't on display to, well, anyone.

And so now they had someone trying to discover exactly what that glitch was. He had found this all out via the security systems installed in the control tower, as they hadn't actually approached him about it yet, but it was just a matter of time really. Especially once someone hacked into the file. Although that would probably take a while considering he devised the code, but then again Atlantis was populated by the best and brightest, so probably not long enough to devise an effective escape plan.

He sighed and laid his head back on the ground and closed his eyes.

"You all right in there McKay?" Sheppard poked his head through the hole in the floor Rodney had climbed through to get underneath it.

"Peachy," he grunted, opening his eyes again and continuing replacing the wiring above his head.

"Not claustrophobic or anything?" Sheppard asked.

"Thank you Major, I had successfully not been thinking about the small inescapable space I'd sequestered myself in. Until now," he gritted out.

"Sorry," Sheppard said with an apologetic upside-down shrug. He glanced around the small space. "Want a break? You missed lunch you know."

Rodney was on the verge of snapping back that if it weren't for the morons who overloaded the systems in the first place he wouldn't have missed lunch at all. But he was feeling kind of light-headed and he really wanted out of the Atlantis floorboards.

"Sure," he acquiesced. "Give me a minute."

When he'd escaped from his Plexiglas coffin or whatever the stuff was that the city was made of, he and Sheppard headed towards the nearest transporter. He didn't miss the looks Weir, Zelenka and Grodin gave him as he left. It looked like they'd figured out his file had been purposefully encrypted. He idly wondered how long it'd take for them to hack in. Not long, he'd bet, with Radek on the case.

Carson joined Sheppard and Rodney for lunch not long after they sat down. He distractedly listened to Carson tell them about the recent patients who had visited the infirmary; all from the overload in the circuitry in the 'Gateroom. Rodney grinned when he heard that Kavanaugh's ponytail had had to be hacked off because it was too badly burnt to salvage.

"You're rather quiet today Rodney," Carson commented during an ebb in the conversation. Rodney just shrugged. "How are those repairs going? As I hear it, you won't let anyone else near 'em."

"They'd only blow the place up again," he said with another shrug.

"You sure you're all right lad?" Carson asked with a frown.

"Maybe it's the small work space getting to you," Sheppard suggested.

"That must be it," Rodney agreed.

It was a few minutes later when the call for Carson, Sheppard and himself to go to the briefing room came over the radio.

"What is this regarding Doctor Weir?" Carson asked as he and Sheppard stood.

"An anomaly found in Doctor McKay's records," she said tersely. Rodney's eyes widened.

"That was very fast," he commented.

"What?" Sheppard asked.

"You know, I've just remembered I left Miko in charge of a project in my lab and promised to drop in on her. Soo.." he trailed off and stood up quickly. He began walking towards the exit as Sheppard tapped his radio.

"Elizabeth, Rodney seems reluctant to-"

"Make sure he gets here Major," she interrupted.

"Yes Ma'am. McKay!" he shouted and Rodney stopped in his tracks and turned to face them.

"Fine, fine," he sighed. "Let's get this over with."

_**(BREAK)**_

Weir guided him to her office and requested that the others wait in the briefing room. He sat down heavily in a chair in front of her desk and looked at her questioningly.

"We found an anomaly in your file," she said. Rodney raised an eyebrow for her to continue. "Why did you-?"

"You've read the long lost file of Rodney McKay right?" he asked, she nodded. "Then you really don't need to be asking that question, do you?"

"I guess not," she frowned. "I don't exactly know what to do with this Rodney," she sighed.

"I'll just leave you to figure that out then," he said and began to stand up.

"Sit down," she said, her tone brooked no argument, so he sat. "I'll start by handing it over to Doctor Becket." Rodney cringed.

"Elizabeth-" it was bad enough that he'd probably lost her respect, but not Carson's as well.

"Rodney," she said sternly.

"Right," he deflated and sank back into the chair.

"Come on," she said, standing up.

"Now!"

"Yes Rodney, now."

He trailed behind her out of her office and to the briefing room. He assumed that they'd be telling Major Sheppard as well, seeing as he was sitting in there with Carson. Great.

There was a file sitting at the table, Elizabeth sat down in front of it and slid it over to Becket. He took it with a questioning look.

"Read it," she instructed. Sheppard glanced at it curiously. "You too," she told him. He stood up and read the file over Becket's shoulder.

"You can sit down Rodney," she told him, as he was standing on the side of the table nearest the doors, hands folded behind his back. "You might be here a while."

Rodney sighed and sat down in the chair next to him, as he watched the faces of his colleagues as they read his file.

Carson stopped reading and looked up after the fourth page. "I think I've read enough for the time being," he said, eyeing the extensive remaining pages. "This, this should be in your medical file." He said, looking up at Rodney, who was studiously studying his hands that lay on the table.

"I agree," Elizabeth said, giving Rodney a stern look.

"Of course you do," Rodney muttered. "Look if it had been important to a situation I would have mentioned it," he defended.

"What if were unconscious Rodney?" Carson said angrily. "And for that matter I don't remember any mention that you had a history of substance abuse when I was feeding you stimulants for three days!"

"You wouldn't have given them to me if I had!" Rodney replied angrily.

"Exactly!" Carson declared.

"Do you know what a ridiculous point you just made! Would you have preferred me to have fallen asleep and for us all to be Wraith food?" he spat.

"McKay," Sheppard said warningly.

"Right," he took a deep breath. "Calm. Sorry."

"It's not just the medical records I'm worried about," Elizabeth said.

"The criminal record?" Rodney guessed.

"Yes," Elizabeth confirmed.

"Criminal? You?" Sheppard questioned. Rodney laid his head down on the desk and groaned quietly.

"Elizabeth please. I encrypted that file for a reason," he said quietly. He looked up imploringly into Elizabeth's eyes. He spotted a small amount of sympathy before she shut it out.

"I think we need to discuss it," she said.

"Discuss it?" Rodney frowned. "Fine," he said, sitting up straight. "What exactly would you like to discuss?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

She looked unsure and glanced to Sheppard and Becket then back to him. Rodney rolled his eyes.

"I'll just start with the worst and we'll work our way down from that shall we?" he asked her. "Right then," he took a deep breath. "Number one; murder, in self defence."

"Murder?" Becket asked quietly.

"He was a bastard Carson, you have no idea what he did to-" he barely stopped himself from saying 'to me', but he did, "- to people," he said instead.

"Rodney, the file says-" Elizabeth began.

"I know what the fucking file says," he hissed at her. She looked like he'd slapped her. "I… Look, I just…" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "This is pointless. This happened years ago, just because you've nosed about and read all about it doesn't change it or make it worse, it's the same as it always was. This is your problem not mine. Keep me out of it," he said and stood up and left the briefing room.

**_(BREAK)_**

**A/N: Ante Animus roughly translates as 'before life'**

**_animus _-i m. the spiritual or rational principle of life in man. More specifically: (1) the seat of feeling , the heart; 'animi causa', for pleasure; loc. (or genit.) 'animi', at heart. (2) character, disposition; as a trait of character (esp. in plur.) courage, spirit, vivacity; also pride, arrogance. (3) the seat of the will, intention: 'habeo in animo', I am resolved. (4) the seat of thought, intellect, mind, memory, consciousness.**

**Thus this is the story of part of Rodney's life before Atlantis, i.e. life started when he went there, rather sappy and sentimental I grant you, but that's what it means nonetheless.**

**Please review and let me know what you thought of this part!**

**Thanks for taking the time to read it!**


	2. Part Two of 4

**Ante Animus - Part Two**

_A week passed and life with Gaul as roommate wasn't that taxing. He appeared to have heard of Rodney's significant genius from someone, and had proceeded to develop a small case of hero-worship. Which was a little irritating, but at least meant that he didn't have to stop working when he wanted a cup of coffee._

_It was one evening in the second week that the first major problem occurred._

_Rodney was alone, Gaul having been inexplicably invited out by some of his classmates for the evening. Having had enough of studying, Rodney situated himself on the small sofa (the biggest that the confines of the room would allow) and in front of the television and began channel hopping. He stopped on a channel showing 'sci-fi classic' (as it was billed) Forbidden Planet._

_Not long after the movie started, there was a knock on the door, the visitor didn't wait for an answer before letting themselves in._

"_Ah the Tempest, I know it well," he said before sitting down next to Rodney._

"_I highly doubt that," Rodney replied to him. Jason Cooper had been there a year longer than Rodney, and had still yet to complete his degree, changing his major every year, he was currently on English Literature._

"_Right as usual," he smiled lazily as he put his feet up on the coffee table in front of the sofa. "Maybe I should stick around and watch the film with you, for educational purposes." Rodney sighed in irritation, that tone of voice meant one thing._

"_What do you want Jason?" Jason smirked, being used to Rodney's brash demeanour._

"_You haven't been to visit me yet Rodney," he said, pouting. "I thought we were buddies." Rodney snorted._

"_Since when do I have friends?" he asked._

"_You're avoiding the subject," Jason sing-songed._

"_Yes well perhaps that's because I don't want anything to do with the subject, maybe I've sworn off the subject, perhaps I'm clean and don't want to dirty myself with the subject again," Rodney told him firmly._

"_Every year," Jason mumbled._

"_This year I mean it," Rodney said resolutely._

"_I'll give you a freebie this time round," he wheedled, Rodney shook his head. It'd be free this time, but not for the rest of the year, there was always a price. It was how Jason paid off his fees, with as much to spare afterward. "C'mon Rodney I can see you've been working hard," he said in reference to the stacks of books and notes occupying the majority of Rodney's side of the dorm and some of Brendan's. "You need to relax," he drawled. Rodney wavered and Jason saw it._

_Rodney eyed the clear polythene bag Jason took out of his pocket and the white powder inside it hesitantly as he felt his fingers twitch restlessly, fighting the urge to reach forward and grab it._

"_Come on Rodney," Jason grinned at him._

_It was a good thing he'd never be in a situation where he was being tortured for information, he thought as he capitulated, he was pathetically easy to break._

_By the time the credits of Forbidden Planet rolled Rodney was happily buzzing and sitting upside-down on the sofa with his legs laying over the back, looking down at Jason who was lying on the floor between the sofa and the coffee table humming tunelessly with his eyes closed._

_When the door clicked open Jason sat bolt upright. "Who are you?" he demanded of Brendan._

"_Oh didn't I tell you?" Rodney asked. "I've got a new roommate."_

"_Oh," Jason said, looking at Brendan with interest._

"_What are you doing?" the kid asked curiously._

"_Watching a movie," Rodney told him, looking back at the screen that was just showing the end of the credits. "Oh, I guess it finished," he said, attempting to shrug. In the meantime Jason had stood up._

"_So what's your name kid? I'm Jason Cooper," he said with a smile._

"_Brendan Gaul," the kid said._

"_It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance Brendan Gaul," Jason said with flourish, Rodney rolled over and sat up properly on sensing his tone. "Would you like to join us?" Jason asked pleasantly, with an arm outstretched to the sofa._

"_No," Rodney said quickly, Brendan looked at him quizzically, as did Jason but his expression poorly hid his underlying anger. "Brendan has an early class tomorrow, don't you Brendan?" he looked at Gaul, praying that the kid would get it and play along. But then again he may very well have an early class tomorrow, Rodney really had no idea._

"_Yeah," Brendan agreed. "Yeah I do."_

"_See?" Rodney looked at Jason innocently. "We wouldn't want to be bad influences would be Jase?"_

"_Clearly," Jason replied, glancing between the two. "Well I'd better be going then, let Gaul here get some sleep," he smiled nastily. Rodney stood up as Jason began heading towards the door. Jason paused behind Brendan and took a step forward. "Please to meet you Brendan," he breathed into his ear before spinning round and heading out of the door. "I'll see you soon Rodney!" he called out as Rodney slammed the door behind him._

"_Why did you tell him I had an early class tomorrow?" Brendan asked, looking hurt. He probably assumed that Rodney just didn't want him hanging out with his friends, which might be true if he had any, but as he didn't he couldn't really say._

"_Just, steer clear of Jason, okay? Once he's got his teeth in you it's very difficult to shake him." Why he was giving advice to this little runt he didn't know._

"_But-" Gaul began, looking ready to argue. Rodney shook his head in exasperation and the kid closed his mouth._

"_Trust me Brendan, I know," he added darkly._

**_(BREAK)_**

Rodney stormed his way through the halls of Atlantis back to his quarters. Once there he stood in the centre of the room and looked round helplessly.

"Crap, crap, crap," he muttered as he began pacing the length of his room. Bed, stepstepstep, wall; bed, stepstepstep, wall; bed, stepstepstep, wall.

He frantically began processing every possible outcome this situation could have. At the very least, he realised; he was going to lose the respect and trust of at least Carson, Sheppard and Weir, more if they decided to share. And wasn't that exactly the reason he'd encrypted the file in the first place? Once he'd realised he had a decent shot at a new start and the possibility of actually making friends, he'd locked away his sordid past where no one could find it. Or so he had thought.

There was no point in even trying to explain, they'd probably never get past the words in the file, wouldn't be able to accept that there had been extenuating circumstances. All they'd see was Rodney McKay: desperate criminal who stole and committed fraud to feed his habit. Who killed his dealer - _why?_ - probably to get his stash without having to pay. It wouldn't matter what he said. That sort of record spoke for itself, which was why he had attempted to silence it.

He sat down heavily on the end of the bed. Well at least he'd had a year. A year of friends and a dream job, life sucking aliens aside. It was more than he'd had in the past, he should be grateful for that at least, seeing as they'd probably ship him back to Earth at the first opportunity.

He lay back and stared at the ceiling for a moment before closing his eyes. "Shit," he sighed.

**_(BREAK)_**

Teyla picked up a plastic cup of what Major Sheppard told her was called 'jello' and added it to her lunch tray. She glanced round the room and noticed Doctor Weir and Major Sheppard sitting at a table together and began walking towards them.

"_Teyla?"_

She answered the radio, recognising the voice, "Yes Doctor McKay?"

"_Do you, er, happen to know where Major Sheppard is?"_

"Yes, he is here in the commissary. I was just about to join him and Doctor Weir for lunch," she told him.

"_Elizabeth is there too?"_

"Yes. Is there a message you would like me to pass along?" she asked with a frown, surely he contact them via their radios.

"_No, no. No message. Thanks for your help Teyla,"_ he said before closing the channel.

She contemplated Doctor McKay's strange behaviour as she approached the table.

"Teyla!" Weir exclaimed as she approached and the pair ceased their conversation.

"May I join you?"

"Of course, sit down," Sheppard said with a smile. "So Teyla," he said once she was seated, "Are you ready for some serious competition this afternoon?" he asked, he was referring to their training session.

"You are improving Major, but I doubt I am yet under threat of 'serious competition'," she smiled as Weir chuckled.

**_(BREAK)_**

_After Brendan had met Jason - and consequently seen Rodney at his lowlife best - he stopped bringing Rodney coffee, or taking everything he said as given fact. He began to question. Rodney hated people who questioned him. They were time wasters, seeing as Rodney was almost always right about everything._

_But what irritated Rodney most about Gaul, was that he often proved Rodney wrong. Well, not wrong per-say, because he had no-where near the amount of knowledge Rodney had. However, he often brought up points when arguing which led to whole new, perfectly valid, lines of reasoning._

_And now that Brendan knew he could best Rodney - on the rare occasion - he was the most argumentative and annoying individual Rodney had ever had the displeasure of spending extended periods of time with._

_To make it worse he was inescapable! Rodney was stuck with him for at least a year, probably two. The only escape was to leave the dorm; which was fine during the day when Rodney could go to the library or the labs, but with little to no social life Rodney had only one avenue of escape for the evenings. Jason. Which meant chemically induced escape if you didn't want your host to kick you out on your arse._

_And so Rodney spent his evening losing brain cells that he could afford to but money that he couldn't._

**_(BREAK)_**

**Thanks for all the fanatastic reviews from **Aphrael, AzureOcelot, Mangst, Hettie, dottid, armageddon-incarnate, Shaddow, Silverthreads, Erikstrulove **and** Mistress Desdemona**! Reviews make me happy!**

**Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Please review and let me know what you think!**


	3. Part Three of 4

**Ante Animus - Part Three**

"Hey Radek," Rodney greeted his fellow scientist, who was half ensconced in the 'Gateroom floor.

"Rodney," Zelenka sat up and glanced at Rodney as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Want a hand?" Rodney asked, inspecting the toes of his boots.

"Yes, was wondering where you had gone when Doctor Weir requested my assistance. Especially as you were quite vocal about not allowing other people near repairs," he answered with a curious look.

"You know, around. I'm an important man I'll have you know," Rodney responded as he sat down on the floor.

"Yes, yes, or course. Should have known," Radek said, as he rooted around under the floor. "Ah ha!" he exclaimed, and pulled out - "The conduits interface. You repair, I will connect when you finish," he said and handed it to Rodney.

"Right," Rodney said as he began working on the component.

"Soo…" Radek said a few minutes later.

"No," Rodney cut him off.

"No?"

"No."

"How do you even no what I was to say?"

"You were working on the encryption. I'm not stupid, I doubt anyone else would have been able to break it as fast," he said without looking up.

"Thank you," Radek said and looked at Rodney contemplatively. "Whatever this newly revealed information in your file details, it cannot take away from your achievements since arriving in Atlantis."

"You didn't read it then," Rodney said with an self depreciating smile.

"Rodney…"

"Yes, yes Radek. Thank you for the sentiment, I doubt it will prove to be true but I appreciate it nonetheless."

"You are welcome," Radek said with a smile.

"Now get back to work," Rodney snapped half-heartedly.

**_(BREAK)_**

_By the end of the first semester Rodney was a financial and physical wreck as a result of months spent in Jason's company. He made his way bleary eyed through his lectures, seminars and life in general._

_Now Rodney wasn't stupid. He'd realised by now that spending the evening being irritated by Gaul was better than he's nights spent getting high with Jason at great expense to his pocket and his health. Especially considering that he didn't know exactly what went into the crap Jason sold him, meaning it could possibly send him into anaphylactic shock and kill him._

_But for all the complaining, moaning and bitching Rodney did about his various ailments, his concern was as superficial as most of them were. Even for things such as his citrus allergy, which could mean a quick and painful death. This general apathy when concerning his life (or death as the case may be) added to the fact that he was completely hooked by this point, meant that escaping Jason wasn't on the cards for the near future._

_When Christmas break came and Jason as well as Brendan went home for the holidays, Rodney found himself at a loss. Without Gaul to avoid, and Jason to hang out with he managed to complete three research papers in the first week._

_By that time he was getting a little irritable without Jason and his on tap supply of illegal substances. He'd taken to spending all of his mornings, and often afternoons in the on campus coffee shop._

_One afternoon one of the waitresses completely threw him by sitting down opposite him at his booth._

"_Hi Rodney," she said with a smile. Rodney frowned, did he know her? She did seem familiar, maybe he'd seen her around campus?_

"_Hello," he glanced at his name tag, "Cathy. Is there something I can help you with?"_

"_No, just wanted to say hi," she grinned, flashing pearly white teeth at him. She had a pretty face with short blonde hair framing it. As he recalled (from when she had served him his coffee) she was quite petite and nicely proportioned. All things considered she shouldn't have been sitting at his table._

"_Have we met?" he asked cautiously, not wanting to offend her if they had. But then again chances were if he'd forgotten her she wasn't worth remembering._

"_Not as such. I'm in Jason Cooper's English Lit class, and I'm friends with Brendan Gaul," she told him._

"_Oh," he said, not quite sure what else to say. If she was friends with Brendan then it was likely she wasn't friends with Jason, so she had that going for her._

"_Well I've seen you around, and Brendan has nothing but good things to say about you…" Rodney snorted into his coffee._

"_Look, Cathy, Brendan's a little…" he trailed off as various pieces of information in his mind fell into place. "Hang on, Cathy Richards?"_

"_Yeah," she nodded with a smile, obviously pleased he knew her name. Unfortunately he only knew her name because Jason had recently set his sights on her, and was using his Christmas break to perfect his 'ensnarement plan'. And now it looked like she was hitting on Rodney, a phenomenon which in itself rarely occurred. Typical._

"_So," she smiled. She really needed to stop doing that if he was going to be able to say no. "Do you want to get coffee sometime?" she asked. He smirked and gestured with his hand around the shop. "Right," she laughed, and wasn't that just even worse than the smiling? "I finish in twenty minutes, how 'bout I bring us over some coffee and we can talk then?"_

_Rodney was entirely ready to make up an excuse, he really was. Because obstructing Jason's plan would most likely have consequences, unpleasant ones. Which was why he was completely bewildered when he found himself agreeing._

**_(BREAK)_**

Elizabeth walked slowly back to her office once she had finished her lunch; her thoughts focused on the current problem that was Rodney McKay. She had realised that it probably hadn't been the best of ideas to confront him when she was still in shock, it might have gone a little better if she'd allowed herself some time to let the information to sink in. Perhaps talking to him alone might have also been better, rather than ganging up on him.

She sighed tiredly. But what had been done couldn't be undone. The issue now was what to do with the information. Rodney's parting statements this morning had undoubtedly been correct. Learning of something that occurred in the past, doesn't alter the present, just our perception of it. If she'd known, would she have even brought him along in the first place, she wondered. There was no doubt that if she had chosen not to include him on the expedition that there would have been more casualties. The city itself might not even be here.

His past, no matter how colourful, didn't change his actions here. Rodney McKay was still not only one of the bravest and the most intelligent members of the expedition, but also one of the bravest and smartest people she'd ever met.

Feelings settled on the matter, Elizabeth's thoughts gravitated towards what kind of disciplinary action she should take. He had after all encrypted a large portion of his file, preventing his superior from seeing it. The only problem was that she couldn't think of anything… she'd have to think on that one for a while.

As she crossed the walkway to her office, her gaze drifted down to the 'Gateroom and focused in on two scientists who appeared to be taking apart the entire floor. She momentarily thought about calling Rodney up to her office, but decided against it. He had likely been upset by the days revelations, and however strange it seemed to her, something methodical such as repairing some Ancient wiring would probably help him relax.

He looked up just as she was about to enter her office and caught her gaze. She smiled at him and nodded, his eyes widened for a moment before he nodded back and returned to his work.

Elizabeth smiled to herself as she entered her office.

**_(BREAK)_**

Rodney frowned down at the now repaired interface and glanced back up at Weir's office, to which to door was now closed, but he could see her sitting at her desk, back to him.

What had that been about? Did this mean he wasn't in trouble? Surely she wouldn't smile at him if she was contemplating getting rid of him as soon as possible? No, that would be spiteful, and Elizabeth was definitely not spiteful.

Rodney smiled to himself and his spirits lifted slightly.

"Radek," he called, the scientist's head popped up out of the Atlantis floor moments later. "I've finished," he said, indicating the interface sitting on the floor in front of him.

"Good. I have just finished repairing and replacing damaged wiring," he said. "Pass interface please."

Rodney passed him the piece of equipment and watched as he disappeared again into the flooring. A few minutes later Radek called out that he had connected the component.

"Peter," Rodeny tapped his radio, and Grodin looked down on them from the control centre. "We're ready," he told him.

"Wait! Wait, wait, wait!" Radek exclaimed as he scrambled out of the floor and glared at Rodney as they both got to their feet. "Are you intending to electrocute me?" he asked angrily.

"Sorry," Rodney replied with a smile. "Peter?"

"Initialising all consoles," he told them. After a few moments he spoke again, "Everything's working perfectly," he said. "Well done."

"Thank you," Rodney and Radek said at the same time.

"Right, I'm going to get something to eat, I never got to finish my lunch earlier," Rodney said before heading towards a transporter.

"Do not worry," Zelenka called after him sarcastically. "I will tidy everything up and patch up giant hole in gateroom floor!"

Rodney smiled to himself as he exited the 'Gateroom.

**_(BREAK)_**

"Doctor Weir," Peter Grodin greeted her and stood in the doorway to her office, holding a laptop under his arm.

"Peter?" she questioned him.

"We've discovered another hidden portion in Doctor McKay's file," he told her with raised eyebrows.

"What!" she exclaimed, having already decided to forgive Rodney and put his past in the past. In fact she'd scheduled a meeting with him, as well as Major Sheppard and Doctor Becket, that was to occur in less than an hour in which she planned to apologise to him for the way she had approached the matter.

It irked her that after being found out he hadn't confessed to this additional deception.

"Here," Peter said, opening the laptop he was carrying and sitting it upon her desk. "I'll leave you to it," he said with a nod as he left her office, closing the door behind him.

With a sigh Elizabeth let her eyes fall upon the text on the screen, and they widened with surprise at what they saw.

**_(BREAK)_**

**Thanks to **Erikstrulove, Dude-It's-Sam-Not-Sammy, HGandRHrforever, armageddon-incarnate **and** Sepik **for reviewing part two, and to everyone else who read it! I hope you all enjoyed part three! Please review and let me know what you think!**


	4. Part Four of 4

**Ante Animus - Part Four (of four)**

_It turned out that Cathy was totally his type, and totally into him from the looks of things. Which could definitely pose a problem._

_After spending every evening with her since their coffee shop rendezvous, Rodney reluctantly decided to break it off before it went too far. The only problem now was how to do it he thought, mentally pushing away the fact that he didn't want to do it in the first place. He was known for his brutal honesty, but somehow he didn't think she'd be overly impressed with "I'm afraid my dealer will kill me." Then again what did it matter what she thought of him if he was breaking up with her?_

_And so when the credits rolled on the film they had been watching, two nights before term resumed, Rodney prepared himself for an uncomfortable conversation._

_However, just as he was about to start speaking to door to the dorm opened._

"_Hi Brendan!" Cathy greeted the intruder brightly._

"_Cathy?" he asked with a frown as he dropped his bag by his bed._

_Rodney dropped his head onto the back of the couch and closed his eyes, somehow managing to keep the stream of cursing internal._

"_What are you doing?" Brendan asked._

"_Watching a movie," Cathy told him._

"_But it's finished now," Rodney said, doing some quick thinking and reworking his plan. The first step of the plan was to get Cathy out of the dorm so he could get the second step into motion; coming up with a new plan. "And it's getting pretty late," he continued. Brendan frowned at the clock, it was barely eleven pm._

"_That's Rodney speak for 'I've had enough of you for today'," she said with a smile as she stood up. And damn how did she know him so well already?_

"_I-" Rodney glanced at Brendan then back at Cathy. 'Coward!' he screamed at himself mentally._

_Nonetheless, he followed her to the door and smiled after she kissed him goodbye, adding an automatic 'See you soon.'_

_When he closed the door he leant his forehead against it and screwed his eyes shut with a groan._

_He was so dead._

**_(BREAK)_**

When the four of them were all seated and the briefing room doors shut Weir began speaking.

"My original intention when I organised this briefing was to apologise to you Rodney," she said, looking into his slightly surprised face. "The way in which I dealt with this situation wasn't ideal and likely made it more stressful than it had to be," she continued.

Rodney opened his mouth to protest, but then closed it again when Weir shook her head fractionally in response.

"I also would like to add that whilst I have yet to devise a suitable punishment for your misconduct, that there will still be one. I can't and wouldn't punish you for past misdemeanours, but I can for the fact that you deliberately deceived me by withholding this personal information," she said firmly. Rodney nodded his acceptance, that was more than fair.

"You said that was your original intention, so there must be something else?" Carson questioned.

"Yes," Weir nodded. "Not long after I contacted you to organise this briefing, Peter came to me and told me he'd found another encrypted portion of Doctor McKay's file," she told them.

"What?" Rodney asked in confusion. "I didn't, I mean I don't, I-" he stuttered. "It was just that, there was nothing else," he said eventually.

"As I discovered," Weir nodded. "Would you like me to read it to you?" she asked. Rodney glanced hesitantly at Carson and Sheppard before shrugging, it couldn't get any worse than it had.

"Okay," he nodded. Weir smiled and diverted her attention to the laptop in front of her and began reading.

"Dear Doctor Weir, or whomever it may concern. If you are reading this letter then Rodney's dismal plan to keep his past hidden has failed - as I told him it would, repeatedly. I'm unsure if my part in all of it is alluded to in the files but I was there, not for it all, but for the worst of it. And whilst it's an experience I'd rather not have had, I'm glad that I did if it means that I'm able to defend Rodney now," Weir paused and glanced at Rodney who was staring at her with wide eyes. She took a deep breath and continued.

"And herein lies the purpose of this letter. I Brendan Gaul wish to vouch for Rodney McKay. Shocking, I know. But whilst he acts like a complete and total jerk most of the time and is one of the most arrogant people you've probably had the pleasure of meeting, he's also -on some hidden level- a good person. One who tends to get caught up in bad situations, as his presence here with us on this expedition once again proves.

"Again I am unsure as to whether the file details the situation extensively, I'm sure you know which event I'm alluding to. But rest assured if Rodney hadn't acted (by hitting Jason Cooper in the head rather forcefully with the butt of his own gun, which wouldn't have killed him if the pressure inside his head wasn't already too high because of the colourful cocktail of drugs he had taken), then I wouldn't be here today and neither would Cathy Richards, not to mention any others who Jason manipulated into drug dependency."

_Rodney idly wondered how things had got so bad so fast, as he pressed his hand over the bleeding wound on the side of his stomach. He had realised things would be bad when Jason found out about him and Cathy, but he'd belatedly realised that bad may have been a bit of a conservative prediction._

_He blinked groggily at the floorboards before turning his head slightly so he could just see Brendan, unconscious on the floor by the coffee table, which Jason had thrown him on. There was blood oozing out at a worrying rate from his head._

_From this angle he couldn't quite see Jason and Cathy. He shifted again, ignoring the shot of raw fiery pain that ran through him as he did so. Finally, he could see them. Cathy was sitting against the headboard of Brendan's bed, Jason in front of her, pining her arms down with one of his hands and running the tip of the knife he'd used on Rodney down the side of her face with the other._

_Rodney had known from the minute Jason had burst into the dorm, brandishing his weapons with a frenzied energy which Rodney was unfortunately all to familiar with, that things were going to turn bad. He had stared into Jason's eyes -dilated pupils and all - with horror as he threatened Rodney with the business end of his gun, not ten minutes ago._

_The same gun which was now lying on the floor at the end of Brendan's bed. _

_Rodney would have grinned or smirked, but every single movement seemed to be causing him pain so he wasn't going to waste it on that, instead he began moving as quietly as he could over to the foot of Brendan's bed._

_When he finally reached it his hands closed over the cool metal with a wave of relief, which was almost immediately punctuated with a pang of reluctance. He had absolutely no idea how to use a gun._

_He gritted his teeth and stood up as quietly as he could. Luckily Jason was concentrated solely on Cathy, and having seen him she had started struggling again as a distraction. Smart girl._

_Mustering all his strength, and anger, Rodney swung the gun forward so that it hit Jason's skull with a loud crack, before he collapsed to the ground and passed out._

Rodney blinked out of his flashback and returned his attention to Elizabeth's voice.

"This surprising selflessness in life-or-death situations has been brought to the forefront of Rodney's personality since our arrival in the Pegasus galaxy, but the point I'm trying to make is that it was always there, even when he was at his lowest points.

"Rodney McKay will always remain one of the most brilliant people I've ever met, but also one of the bravest. I'm sure he will have saved us all many more times between the time I'm writing this and when you read it. I feel safer out here knowing he's here with us, and so should you, despite any revelations about his past. Yours faithfully, Brendan Gaul." Weir finished and a heavy silence fell in the room.

Rodney was more than aware that he was glassy eyed and that his mouth was stretched into a very thin line, with his knuckles being bone white from having his fists clenched so tightly.

He didn't know whether to cry of laugh. In the end he let out a sound halfway between a sob and a laugh.

"Idiot," he muttered. Weir chewed on her lip -for once unsure of what to say, whilst Carson looked at him with concern. It was Sheppard who finally broke the silence.

"Sounded pretty smart to me," he said sincerely. Rodney felt something in his chest tighten as the others nodded their agreement.

**_(BREAK)_**

_Brendan glanced around Rodney's quarters upon entering and smiled to himself. Despite them having only been on Atlantis for barely a week, and also taking into account that Rodney had likely not even slept yet, he'd somehow managed to make the room his own, even with the sparse decoration. A jacket slung over a chair, unmade bed, laptops, tools, and piles of paperwork made it as haphazard as their dorm had been at university all those years ago._

_Rodney himself was sitting at his desk, staring in concentration at the screen of one of the laptops. Brendan seated himself on the end of the bed, nearest to where Rodney's desk was and waited to be acknowledged._

_Realising he'd likely be waiting a long time he glanced over Rodney's shoulder to see what he was doing and sighed in irritation at what he saw._

"_You can't seriously still be going through with that," he snapped at Rodney._

"_I think you'll find I can," Rodney replied, without looking away from the screen._

"_Rodney, you can trust Doctor Weir. I'm sure she wouldn't judge you solely on this," he reasoned. And it was the truth, from what he'd seen of Elizabeth Weir she was an amazing individual. Having been thrust into such a hostile situation she could have easily diverted to a military mindset, but she'd kept her ideals whilst still being the best leader possible in the situation they found themselves in._

"_I'd rather not have to find out thank you," Rodney answered stubbornly. Knowing he wasn't going to win this argument, Brendan decided to be the voice of warning. Providing himself with future opportunities to say 'I told you so' would have to do for now._

"_Someone will find out eventually," he said. "We brought the best and the brightest with us, Rodney. And whilst you are probably among the brightest of us," Rodney smirked smugly and nodded at that, "This won't stay hidden forever, someone will find the anomaly and decrypt the file," he finished._

_Rodney bit his lip and glanced at him briefly, and Brendan realised Rodney knew that as well as he did._

"_Yes but at least this will give me some time to…" he trailed off and waved a hand as if to explain what he meant. Brendan understood perfectly. This would give Rodney time in which to prove himself. But he could tell Rodney didn't believe that. Even when Rodney proved himself to others it was never enough for himself._

_Brendan had every faith that Rodney would prove himself to everyone on Atlantis, repeatedly._

"_Anyway, you're here, you can vouch for me when it hits the fan," Rodney said distractedly as he returned to the screen._

_Brendan nodded seriously. Knowing Rodney was already engrossed in what he was doing, he spoke anyway. "Yes, I will."_

**_(END)_**

**I'm in shock and awe about all the absolutely fantastic reviews I got for this story! Thanks to **Lieutenant Cresent, edie morphie, angw, PenandInk17, StargateJunkie, Silverthreads, Dude-It's-Sam-Not-Sammy, nomidemoogle, Erikstrulove, armageddon-incarnate, Lanhar, berlinghoff, **and** Hettie** for reviewing the last chapter, and to everyone who reviewed or read the others (and everyone who reviews and reads this as well!).**

**I hope you enjoyed the story! I love writing Rodney McKay, it's so much fun! (Especially when it means putting him through more emotional and physical trauma.) So they'll probably be more from me in this vain in the future! Thanks again, and please review and let me know your thoughts!**


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